I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
