by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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