tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
