i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
