I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
