Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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