I cockslap morals
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
