Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
