Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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