I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if only i could text you this smell
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This house was built for laser tag.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
