We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
