Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
