Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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