Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
