Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
