how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
