I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
