Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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