I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
