Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
