69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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