I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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