Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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