***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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