so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
