good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
