your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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