Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
