I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
