i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
