I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
