you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
