she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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