Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
