People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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