I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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