she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
