I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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