I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
