when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
