normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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