Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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