I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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