I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
