Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
