if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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