quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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