Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
