I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
