everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
