maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
