In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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