Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
