I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
