Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
