He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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