So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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