Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
